An Unconventional Approach To Firing Employees

Breaking up is hard to do, whether in your personal life or the workplace. Typically, articles on employee dismissal are a collection of ‘don’ts’ emphasizing the avoidance of legal headaches and security concerns. Important factors but an insufficient road map for achieving successful outcomes for both the stakeholder and you, following this highly impactful conversation.

Being fired is considered one of the top 10 life stressors for adults first identified in the 1967 Holmes-Rahe Stress Scale, still relevant today. What this scale fails to mention however, is that being the one to terminate an employee can be equally as stressful, especially if you haven’t received sufficient training for this, which sadly most in leadership positions have not. This article is not a comprehensive ‘how to’ on separating employees. It is instead an invitation to incorporate unconventional elements and unrecognized considerations into a termination conversation that can save you from very unwanted outcomes; when you only have one chance of getting it right.

The next time you’re the bearer of this type of bad news consider the following:

Know this is a form of Crisis Communication. Most people equate crisis communication with media worthy events and disaster. In reality, crisis communication is any form of exchange that informs of a loss or perception of loss by the recipient.

Check Your Assumptions. The assumptions you’re bringing to the table (and you are) about this employee, the conversation and how they might respond, can lay the groundwork for the very outcome you’re hoping to avoid. Are you assuming and ‘rehearsing’ a bad outcome before the conversation even starts?

Assumptions drive behavior and inaccurate assumptions lie at the heart of every unwanted outcome.

Be accountable. Unless this convo is the result of an unexpected terminable offense, chances are this ‘divorce’ has been brewing for some time, along with your frustration and anger. Did this fester longer than necessary from your own avoidance? Or was a RIF in the works and the company waited until the last minute?

Your anger with this employee (or avoidance) is a ‘you’ issue, which they can’t solve for you and is a sure fire way to derail this convo. Manage yourself before starting this discussion.

Empathy has a place here. Yes empathy, which is not the same as exoneration, enabling, pity, sympathy or guilt. It’s the human capacity to recognize distress when it’s in front of you. Regardless of how deserving this termination may be, leave room for the possibility that this may be the ‘final straw’ of a string of losses you know nothing about…and their response is about about multiple losses, not just this one.

Empathy costs you nothing and is 100% effective in positively influencing your behavior towards others and how they respond to you back.

Plan. You HAVE to have a plan….for the discussion and afterwards. ‘Winging it’ is not a plan and refusing to make one is a sign of avoidance on your part. Not a great way to start this conversation.

Get clear- about what this isn’t. Separating an employee from the company is not an opportunity to litigate your case for termination, rationalize the company’s decision to cut back whilst keeping you, shame, humiliate, one up, punish, scold or get the last word in.

Boundaries. If you’re a people pleaser you might find yourself trying to put a positive spin on things that is really about trying to manage your own anxiety. It can feel manipulative and backfire spectacularly.

You are not there to be a therapist, prosecutor or executioner. This is a discussion to effectively and sensitively communicate information that will impact the immediate future of this employee.

Location. In the office rather than virtual as much as possible and not in a public setting or in ear shot of others…ever. The assumption that a public venue (like the company lobby…seriously, managers have told me they’ve done this) will prevent overt emotional or angry outbursts is A. So Not True B. an attempt to protect yourself and C. a huge mistake. It telegraphs disrespect and incites shame by involuntarily putting people on a ‘stage’ feeling exposed and vulnerable-exactly what you don’t want. And if this employee does have an overt reaction heard and seen by others, now you become part of a narrative that staff will spin about ‘what you did’ to their co-worker.

The outburst you feared may not happen during the discussion but subsequently, after the employee has had time to stew and re-live the humiliation they felt from being publicly shamed. Guard another’s dignity. It means nothing to you and everything to them.

Virtual Termination. Never, ever, by email, phone, text or internal chat platforms. Virtual face-to-face only. If your internet signal is down or being wonky, reschedule the discussion. It is unprofessional and just plain cruel to have this conversation when the tech gods aren’t cooperating. That will up the stress level for you both and become an unforced error for bad outcomes.

Whilst we’ve all become accustomed to a more casual vibe in our virtual engagements, this is not a casual convo. Be mindful of what your audience will see and experience. Having the cat jump up and walk past your monitor or hearing the dog barking at the mailman is just not ok. Neither is the door bell for Amazon deliveries. Plan ahead for possible interruptions or distractions.

Limit Access to Termination Information. The more you limit access to sensitive information before delivery, the better you can control it. Restrict access to a tightly held ‘need to know’ basis. This is especially critical when separation convos will be done virtually. I’ve seen too many termination debacles from a stakeholder getting wind of the impending ax because it got out into the ether before hearing it officially. Could be Christmas in July for the labor attorney this employee calls just after speaking with you.

Timing. Delivering this news at the end of the day is better. ‘Getting this over with’ first thing in the morning may seem optimal but it isn’t. You’ve made this employee get up and deal with their commute (a stressor even before the convo starts), just to turn around and go home. End of day is also better for delivering this news so you aren’t stressed out and distracted for the rest of your work day. And there’s the ‘public’ element to consider…

Unless this employee is behaving in a threatening or unlawful manner, forcing them to do the ‘perp walk’ carrying their box of belongings during the day in front of colleagues does nothing positive for them or your company.

Seating. Along with location, this issue is such a common ‘trip wire’ for bad results and so rarely on people’s radar. Seating has major impact on the dynamics of a discussion. As part of that plan you promised yourself to make earlier in this article-be mindful of your ‘seating language.’ Is it confrontational or collaborative?

The object is to reduce their stress not escalate it.

Tone. Tone dictates feeling or intent and is as important as the actual words said. Human beings use tone in tandem with words and non-verbal cues to decipher meaning and truthfulness. Engaging in ‘flat communications’-the attempt to strip any feeling from a conversation, is not conducive to successful outcomes. It’s often interpreted as a lack of respect.

Security. Disengaging an employee can include risk. However, most employment termination discussions (especially when done well) don’t culminate in violence. Doing a threat assessment before any termination discussion is a good idea, but unless warranted, keep an overt security presence away from your meeting. Don’t antagonize an employee and create a problem where there doesn’t have to be one. Saying “its the policy, nothing personal” won’t cut it.

Being terminated is as personal as it gets for an employee. In most cases being surveilled by security personnel during the gathering of personal belongings and escorted out the door by them is unnecessarily heavy handed. Think instead ‘accompanying and assisting’ by a trusted (by the employee) or at least neutral individual.

Aftermath. No matter how large your RIF, or termination for cause, there will always be employees that remain. The loss of employees (voluntary or otherwise) results in the loss of valued workplace relationships, upheaval and sometimes trauma. Grief, and for larger RIF events-survivor guilt are common in the aftermath in that goes unrecognized by management. Get help for bringing stability back to your workplace following impactful departures.

Guilt and depression. Feeling guilt, anxiety, depression or physical responses in the aftermath of a termination discussion, even when it’s for cause, is not uncommon. You may find yourself caught off-guard by unexpected reactions, especially if it’s the first time you’ve done this or due to the nature of your relationship with the employee. Terminating an employee, regardless of the reasons, can a major stressor that can cause emotional and physiological responses. You’re not being a weenie, you’re not exaggerating, you’re not making this up…this is real. Give yourself time to work through that.

Legacy. Think about how you want to be remembered after this conversation…before you start the convo. How do you want to feel about yourself? Starting with the end is an effective way of getting the outcomes you seek.

Considering and incorporating these unconventional elements will increase the likelihood of preserving someone’s dignity, better enabling them to focus on their next chapter rather than retaliation. And you might come out of this feeling better about yourself as well.